I Was In A Toxic Relationship For 6 Years

Prior to meeting my husband, I had been in several toxic relationships the longest of which was 6 years.  This relationship broke me, I was heartbroken, insecure, and lost after this breakup.  Following this relationship, I chose to date guys who I knew were wrong for me so that I would not end up hurt. 

“ I never worry or feel insecure with him.  I feel safe and taken care of all the time.”

When I started to date my now husband, he was wild, the motorcycle-riding can’t be tied down type. So in a way, he was a safe choice for me.  I knew he wasn’t going to settle down, and I was looking to settle down either. I knew there wasn’t really a chance I would get hurt.  I remember telling my friends “he’s fun for now.” I wasn’t wrong about that. I enjoyed his company, we went on motorcycle rides, boat rides went snowboarding and wakeboarding together.  We never had a conversation about seeing other people or being “exclusive” until our wedding vows.  It was just easy to be together.  That has been one of the constants in our marriage, just the ease of being together. I never worry or feel insecure with him.  I feel safe and taken care of all the time.

“Stop overthinking and enjoy where you are right now.”

A few words of advice for my younger self

I would tell my younger self not to worry about a timeline. Stop overthinking and enjoy where you are right now.  You have your entire life to worry about what’s next and where you should be, but you will never have this carefree time again.  Forget the checklist of your “must-haves” in a partner and just focus on how they make you feel and how they treat you. 

My husband and I have been through so much together.  We have a beautiful daughter and after 6 years of heartbreaking struggles with infertility we now have a miracle little boy as well.  None of our relationship has gone exactly as we planned or thought it would. But we show up every day for each other.  We make each other laugh, and still enjoy each other’s company. 

From someone who constantly over thought, self-sabotaged, and had all but given up hope, let me just assure you that true love is out there.

Courtney, 34 | Nevada, US

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