I Was In a Relationship With A Gaslighter Before My Soulmate

Before I found my soulmate, I’d come out of two highly toxic relationships. I’d left an emotionally abusive relationship of two years. It was extremely difficult. We ran a business together, had been renting a house together, had our horses and dogs together. He was a gaslighter and made me feel as though I was going insane and I was the person causing all of our problems

“I made the choice to leave and start over with nothing, no job, no money, no home, and 5 animals to look after.”

He was running the business, himself and me into the ground. We had screaming match after screaming match. I thought that there had to be something better than this. I had just gotten into the law of attraction and manifestation and started trying to manifest a better life. I made the choice to leave and start over with nothing, no job, no money, no home and 5 animals to look after. But the universe felt the big waves I made and started lining everything up for me.

“I decided to become my own soulmate until I could manifest the right man.”

A few months later, I met a man who I thought at the time was my soulmate, He was much more respectful, and lit my heart up, I felt a connection like I’d never felt before, but he still wasn’t right and became jealous, possessive and had a drug problem he hid from me. It ended very abruptly in heartbreak and I felt even more broken. My only choice was to reinvent myself. 

I spent the next 9 months working on myself:

  • I was reading every book, watching every free training, writing lists and pages of what I wanted to manifest and hiring a coach.
  • I worked on my mind, body and soul clearing out all the abuse, trauma, heartbreak and hate for myself. I feared that I was doomed to repeat the situations I’d been in previously. I questioned whether what I wanted out of a relationship and love was even possible or if I was believing in a fairy-tale. 
  • I stripped down every limiting belief and began to work very hard on loving myself. 
  • I decided to become my own soulmate until I could manifest the right man. 
  • I completely remade myself, began loving life, and saw major changes in my life including moving to a new city. 
  • I wrote pages and pages in my journal with every little detail I wanted in a man and in a relationship all while remembering to become that version of myself that would be ready for love and ready for that man and capable of loving him the way he would need too. 

When I least expected it, I met him. 

I met my soulmate on tinder lol I know everyone says you can’t find a meaningful relationship on there but I did. I had just moved to a new city and felt like it was time to get out there and meet some new people. I was in love with myself and in love with my life. I completely let go of the outcome and didn’t care whether I met someone for short term fun or the long haul. To be honest I didn’t expect to meet my soulmate so soon.

“We grow stronger and more passionate about each other and the life we’re building together everyday.”

Our first date ended up being a 4 hour road trip to a museum we both had always wanted to go to. It could’ve been a complete catastrophe having to be in a truck with someone you’d never met for that long but we hit it off and never stopped talking for a minute. Fast forward a month or so and what we had both thought would be a “for fun” relationship turned into something so much deeper. It was like the stars aligned and all of a sudden our energies were completely magnetized to each other. The connection of mind, body, and soul was so much deeper than either of us had ever imagined or felt. Our values and morals were, and still are, completely in alignment. He treats me better than I’ve ever been treated in my whole life and he says he’s never had a girlfriend treat him this way. Our communication is incredible, we often have wine nights where we sit with phones off just having deep intellectual conversations. We grow stronger and more passionate about each other and the life we’re building together everyday. He works away a lot and we can energetically feel each other even when we’re apart and know when something is off and the other partner needs a pick me up. I know without a doubt in my mind that I manifested him and that he is my soulmate. I know that he came into my life only after I worked on myself and learned to love and respect myself and work through the past traumas. I know that the law of attraction brought him into my life and I thank the universe and every higher power every day that I have this incredible, deep, energetically aligned love in my life now. 

What I would tell my younger self:

I would tell a younger version of myself to love herself first, to put herself first and learn to fill up her own cup. It is not being selfish, it is the only way to be able to love someone else fully and without resentment. I would tell her to watch what she thinks very carefully because once you put a thought out and attach an emotion to it you are manifesting that reality whether you like it or not. And I would tell her to work on herself and observe the way she handles situations and people. I was as guilty of my failing relationships as much as my partners were. There was soooooo much I needed to learn about communication, about vulnerability, about love and partnership and truly being selfless with your partner but also expressing your OWN needs and ensuring you are receiving just as much support, pleasure and love (which I think is a very important aspect of love that most women take too long to learn). But most of all I would tell her to start figuring out what she wants in a partner and in love and WRITE IT DOWN, the universe will deliver one day and you’ll be happily surprised when it does. Believe that you can have the man of your dreams, that love like in the movies CAN exist. Ask for it and you shall receive it, but not without doing a little work for it yourself 😉

“Work on yourself and observe the way you handle situations and people. I was as guilty of my failing relationships as much as my partners were.”

Rachel, 25 | Canada

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