I had just gotten out of a relationship with yet another guy that I believed had “potential.” I was a bit upset at myself, because hind sight 20/20 I knew he was no good for me. I knew I had made up a bunch of excuses for him to make it fit, to make it work. And I was disappointed that I wasted so much time on the breakup, that I didn’t see what was so clear to me now: that I kept attracting guys with “potential”.
“I wanted someone that could elevate me higher, help me make myself better, achieve the best version of myself.”
Maybe I wasn’t exactly where I wanted to be in life, but I knew I had the ambition to achieve more. These guys didn’t appreciate it when I tried to motivate them to do more and become more together. But I knew I would appreciate it if someone did that for me. I wanted someone that could elevate me higher, help me make myself better, achieve the best version of myself.
Not sure if I was closed off, but I definitely had no interest in anyone for months. Even when I met my now fiancé, I definitely didn’t think anything of it. I met him through a mutual friend while they were in town on vacation when I ran into them at work. Then after dodging them for a few days we finally hung out in a group setting and we hit it off. I realIzed how happy I was in that moment and how unhappy I had been recently.
“I decided it was important for me to hone my own energy and control my own happiness.”
Despite the mutual attraction, he was definitely pushing me away and I had no idea why. I told myself “fine, maybe this was just to show me that it’s out there.” I told myself I was making up scenarios again, I hardly knew him! I decided it was important for me to hone my own energy and control my own happiness. So I meditated – a lot. I got intentional about what I wanted and sure of my wholeness. But for some reason I couldn’t let him go. That voice saying “there’s something there” just got louder.
We met up again away from other people and away from a party setting. I was right. He was everything I thought he was. He also saw me for who I really was as well. Turns out he was just not interested in a long distance relationship. But with a plan to see where it goes, the rest is history. Two moves, 4 years and 1 baby later with a wedding in the works. He’s my mentor, my best friend and the person I feel I started my life with and the one I want to be there in the end.
To you and my younger self, I would like to say:
It’s okay to make mistakes – they don’t define you. Be careful who you give your energy to.
Know your worth, stay focused and take advantage of where you’re at right now.
Julia, 33 | San Francisco, US
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