I Didn’t Feel Like I Could Be Loved

In high school? I had no intentions of finding love! I was only 14! A boyfriend sure, but I didn’t expect to find someone who would come to mean THAT much to me so young! After the breakup? I felt like I couldn’t ever be loved by someone. I had been crushed in multiple relationships and honestly didn’t feel like I deserved to be loved or even COULD be loved. I was broken!

“Everything tends to fall into place when you least expect it!”

When my mom got sick, I didn’t have a choice BUT to be strong. I had to convince myself every day that I could do the damn thing and be confident in myself so my mom could heal. And sure enough, that’s when J came. I was afraid of rejection for sure! But everything tends to fall into place when you least expect it!

When I FIRST met him I was a freshman in high school! I was only 14 at the time (2nd youngest one my entire grade!) so I didn’t think too much of having a boyfriend never mind finding LOVE. We met in French class, he was a star football player before he tore his ACL/MCL. But it wasn’t long after that we started talking and hanging out! We dated for 2.5 years and then I broke up with him!

Fast forward 5 years and I had had my share of shit relationships. We had stayed friends through the years but it was mostly a quick “hey how ya doin’” and we’d catch up for 5 minutes! It was 2013, my papa & grandpa had both passed away within a month of each other in the beginning of the year and on October 1 my mom was diagnosed with 2 different types of breast cancer.

It wasn’t long after that (MAYBE a few days!) that J reached out to check on me and let me know that even though he was deployed if I needed to reach out to do it and he would get back to me as soon as he could. I wasn’t looking for anything at the time but something just FELT different. Like I could be completely myself with him. I started to crave telling him about my day because he was GENUINELY interested. He couldn’t tell me too much about what was going on with him (Military life) but we talked as much as possible.

He came home the beginning of December 2013 and completely surprised me with a phone call telling me to come to the door. A few days later he asked me to be his girlfriend, 2 months later we got engaged (on Valentine’s Day!) and a month later we were married! We’ve been married for just over 6 years now!

If I could share some words of advice, it would be:

Don’t you dare EVER settle. If it doesn’t feel right? It’s because IT ISN’T RIGHT!

Love WILL find you.

You’re NEVER broken. It’s just your mind playing tricks on you.

The greatest love you could ever imagine is OUT there for you! But you MUST love yourself first!

The greatest love you could ever imagine is OUT there for you! But you MUST love yourself first!

Jaime, 27 | North Carolina, US

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