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How to get through the pain of a breakup

Dealing with a breakup is never easy, and there’s no point in sitting here and trying to tell you otherwise – but it’s worth exploring the best and most loving ways to deal with your pain. If we are going to go through the hurt, we may as well try and do so in a way that minimises our pain and accelerates our healing process.

Choosing the path of self love rather than self destruction speeds up the healing process immensely, but the journey will always have it’s ups and downs. If we’re going through a breakup we assume the healing process is just going to be a straight line uphill, that every day is going to be easier than the last. But is that really the case? If anything, the experience is more like being on a rollercoaster. Some days you’ll feel really happy and positive, some days you’ll have a moment of despair. You might have a day where you feel even worse, then good again. A day where you’ve taken three steps forward, then ten steps back. It’s important to remember that our feelings will fluctuate, and we need to be prepared for that reality. Remind yourself that it’s part of the process, and don’t be hard on yourself.

That leads me into the first step of getting through the pain; mentally prepare yourself for the difficulty of the next few months, and by mentally prepare yourself, I mean don’t ignore the fact that you’re going through a break up. Don’t ignore the fact that this is going to be painful. Acknowledge that this might be one of the hardest things you will have to go through in life, and understand that your healing process will take time and shouldn’t be rushed. 

Ride with the tide instead of resisting it.

Remember that what you resist, persists. When you resist something you close yourself off from dealing with it, which at first might seem like a great and easy coping mechanism. However, by not coming to terms with what you are going through, you are blocking yourself from the opportunity to heal. If you focus all of your energy on resisting and avoiding facing something, you’ll have none left to focus on progressing and moving past it. Right now, everything you are resisting and avoiding is only persisting and growing in size. By bottling up what we are going through, we invite these emotions to intensify in response! Whether it’s sadness, anger, pain, resentment, even a feeling of hopelessness or not being in control – soon, the cracks will begin to show. When you accept what is, you put yourself in the best possible position for change, growth and for moving past a difficult period. 

Ride with the tide rather than swimming against it, because going against it will not take you to where you want to go. If you surrender to the current, you flow with it to a place where you are able to safely exit. Although it may feel like the wrong direction to go in at the time, it is important to trust that it’s a part of the journey. Focus on all the things you can do that will move you forward, rather than focusing on what you can do to resist the pain. Whatever you run from, you will run into – so don’t delay your healing process.

Feel your emotions and tune into them.

Many of us are scared to death of dealing with our emotions and will do anything to avoid them. Our minds have a tendency to make things seem far worse than they really are and we put so much dread into facing our feelings, but it’s never really as bad as we think it’ll be. When we suppress our emotions, we are only delaying and prolonging our healing process, dragging it out unnecessarily.

Your emotions won’t go away if you ignore them – they will stay right under the surface of your conscious mind, and they will be fully present in your subconscious mind. Our emotions can’t be suppressed into non-existence – they’re never gone, they just hum in the background, building up into a state of stagnant energy. Stagnant energy can cause anything from manifestation blockages to disease, and that’s why it’s so important we allow ourselves to freely feel our emotions. Don’t hold back! If you need to cry, cry. If you’re angry, go to a boxing class and get that energy out. Do whatever you need to do to tune into those emotions healthily and express them.

One of the main reasons why we tend to suppress our emotions is because we’re scared to feel pain – but what we don’t realise is that we will still feel the pain either way, it will just be subconsciously. When we are raised we hear things like “don’t cry” and “don’t be upset”, and are constantly being told to suppress our emotions. It means we subconsciously perceive showing emotion as a weakness, when really it is a strength – it is a strength to express our emotions, to be vulnerable and be open.

I like to sit down, close my eyes and scan my body for what I am feeling and where that emotion is located – where that heaviness is. Then, I just allow myself to sit with it. Even though these emotions are unwanted, I still try to welcome them into my body and tune into them. Try it – you’ll be surprised how quickly your emotions will pass after you allow yourself to feel them.

Love and accept yourself for anything that you’re feeling.

This is the foundation of unconditional self love. Send yourself love and compassion as you sit through each emotion, put your hands on the area of your body where the emotion feels stored and heavy – maybe this is on your heart – and visualise sending that part of yourself love, acceptance and understanding. Let yourself know that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling, and that it’s fully understandable why you’re feeling this way.

When you’re going through a breakup, this is the time when it is most important for you to be kind and loving to yourself. Understand that things take time, and don’t be in a rush to process them. Allow yourself to feel your emotions, love and accept yourself for whatever it is that you’re feeling. Ride with the tide – this won’t last forever, and this too shall pass.

Want to learn more about how to get through the pain of a break up? Check out my FREE resources here.

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