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Should you get back with the ex?

In this blog post, we continue on our journey through break-up topics, covering what happens post-breakup. It’s not all just grief, but other logistical things too – is it really the end? Should you get back together? What about staying friends with his family?

GETTING BACK TOGETHER AFTER HE CHEATS

Getting back together with your ex after a breakup is already a pretty controversial topic, but let’s get one thing straight. If your partner cheats on you, you should absolutely not be chasing him. If your partner breaks up with you, you should not be chasing him.

If he wanted to be with you, he would do whatever it takes to get you back. He would move mountains to be with you! He would do anything and if not, it’s just better and healthier to let him go. Think about it this way – you are the prize. If you’re the prize, you don’t chase anybody. I like to ask myself, “what would the queen do?”. The queen would not chase a person who treated her like that. The only time you can even consider going back to an ex after he has hurt you like this, and I’m putting emphasis on consider, is if he is trying his absolute hardest to get you back – and there are a few signs of this you can look for. Showing absolute guilt and remorse for what he did is a prerequisite, and so is getting help to become a better person (for example seeing a therapist, going to personal development seminars) not just for you but mainly for himself, because he knows that he needs to become a better version of himself. He needs to be doing everything to show you that he absolutely loves you and that he will do anything it takes to get you back.

You don’t have to rush the process. Sometimes, you might need to cut him off for a long time and not be in touch with him so that he realises what he’s lost. Before you even make the decision on whether you want to take him back or not, he needs to work really hard to have you again. You need to give him time to prove that to you, and he needs to evolve so much that you need to get to know him again. You need to start with him from square one. The thing is, if you reach out to your ex who cheated on you and broke up with you and try to get him back, then he will never respect you. He will know that he can treat you like shit, and you will still be the one crawling back to him despite of all of that. If you take him back after him not doing anything, if you go after him and chase him, the relationship is already doomed. It’s just a matter of time before he repeats his hurtful behaviour and you go through the same heartbreak again. Dogs need to be put in the doghouse, and not be allowed to go anywhere near you, your love, and your vajayjay! You need to stay away.

I know that breakups are one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to go through, but you will always deserve so much better than a cheater. It’s not going to be easy, but you will get through it and be so much stronger. Let it be what you need in order to start loving yourself again, let it be a catalyst for change and transformation within you. Build yourself up, love yourself, let your sense of self-worth flourish. When you do all of this you will manifest the man of your dreams and think to yourself, “What was I thinking?!”.

Breakups are so difficult to go through and it’s easy to feel like you’re alone and isolated in your despair, but it really helps to remind yourself how many billions of people are on this planet and how many of them have gone through a break up just like yours. It may feel like it’s never-ending pain and heartbreak, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get through it. So many people out there have gone through the same thing as you, they all got through it and you will too.

STAYING FRIENDS WITH HIS FAMILY

Do you still stay friends with your ex’s family, because they’re super cool and friendly? My answer is yes yes yes! If you can see them without seeing your ex, and there’s absolutely no toxicity in seeing the family, then yes you absolutely can. I have lots of friends who are still friends with their ex’s families even years after the break up, and it’s working perfectly well even though they haven’t even seen the ex since the breakup. My ex’s family are the most amazing people and I love them so much, so breaking up with him felt like I was losing them too because I saw a future with them as well – so to me that was equally heartbreaking. 

But I’m still in touch with them and they told me I will always be apart of their family, and I can’t actually wait to see them. I really encourage you to stay friends with your ex’s family if that’s what you want and if they’re amazing. I see no reason why you wouldn’t – just make sure that you see them when you’re ready, and if it triggers you too much or triggers sadness in you, just wait and see them until you’ve healed some more. Overall I definitely think it’s okay – you just need to have your boundaries and if it’s not healthy for you to see your ex, make sure that he’s not with them when you see them.

Overall, these are the bits and pieces that come along with a breakup that we don’t really give much thought to when we are going through it, because often we are so overcome with the grieving process. It can feel like we are really in the eye of the storm – so hopefully this blog post helped you gain a bit of perspective and clarity on how things can be once the dust settles!

Still feeling lost? I’ve created a FREE resource on Breakup Do’s and Don’ts to get you through!

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